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‘Captain Save-a-Bro’: Women, Stop Trying to Save Wayward Men

Real Housewives of Atlanta star Phaedra Parks recently told talk show host Ellen DeGeneres that all the rumors were true: She was planning to divorce her now-convict hubby, Apollo Nida. But there was no surprise. Parks skipped out on Nida’s sentencing hearing in July. It was obvious for anyone to see that the marriage wouldn’t survive.

Nida, who reported to prison in September for his eight-year sentence, is locked up after pleading guilty to fraud. Parks claims she was too busy—nursing a baby and earning her fifth degree—to notice Nida’s schemes. She also claims that she thought Nida was a reformed man, since he’d previously spent times behind bars before their marriage in 2009.

While I’m skeptical and side eyes abound, Parks’ story isn’t so far-fetched that I don’t believe it. She wouldn’t be the first woman to channel rapper E-40 and try to perform a “Captain Save-a-Bro” on a wayward man.

I’ve seen some women manage to clean up some problematic guy and make it work … wait, I’ve never seen that happen. All I’ve seen is lost money and romantic disasters. While helping a guy lost in the struggle sounds noble, people must decide to change themselves. You—through your love or money—cannot make a half whole.

The notion that you can fix any man or woman is often a fool’s errand. People change because they want to change, not because you put them in the right situation, drape them in finery and put them on a reality-TV show. The Pygmalion myth is a myth for a reason. As in, that mess is not real.

 

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